There are plenty of great marriages that began when people were very young, many of which last for 60 or even 70 years. Recently, however, as women have become more socially, mentally, and sexually free, some have begun to ignore social prejudices by thinning … Tricia lives in Northern California and is currently For a lot of people, marriage is the holy grail that they’ve been … On the positive note now that we are older I realize it would have been even more difficult in my mindset to marry older. Marrying a younger man means that he will remain attractive for longer. It is how you adapt as a person and a couple that dictates whether you can handle it together. Most of the time when you are young you do not have a lot of baggage. Enjoy the hell out of your love for a decent time - you will be so much stronger for it and you will have a lot of fun knowing you're together for each other, and not for any other social pressures. There are certainly some couples who married too young and make it work, but it might be a good idea to talk to them about what they gave up. When you are younger, you are still learning to grow and learn. Then have a wonderful wedding where, rather than all of your friends and family and even yourselves thinking "but are they really ready?" As Asians, most women would prefer marrying someone older than them. I got married in my early 20's. We aren't settling for mediocrity in our lives, as some say about getting married young, and do not plan on having kids until I am done with law school. Although goals have been set aside, that does not mean they will not be achieved. Second, in term of the racial side in my family, they prefer to inbreeding. We got engaged the last day of our senior year and married the following year at age 19. I want to be free and enjoy my mid-late 20's maturity. They concluded that there is no statistical advantage to postponing marriage. You might get bored with her. Marriage will be no different for us because we have adapted to each other's ways. As you gain the status and items that most adults have you can be each other cheerleaders and truly appreciate the effort they are putting in. When people go from a parent’s home to a new home with a spouse, they miss this step. Someone else can have it. I had a terrible temper, but after consideration, I realized that there is no way to make a relationship work without being able to talk to each other like civilized human beings. What is the Average Age at Marriage Worldwide. This can be difficult since men and women tend to mature at different speeds. I met him when I was 15 and he was 18. If you can't love them because they have changed, then you never really loved them at all, rather, you used them because it was convenient. I moved in with my boyfriend straight out of high school got pregnant a few months after. We both graduated high school and I went on to college and he went to a vo-tech school and earned his taxidermy license, so now he is a certified taxidermist and he also has a good job here working for our city. Even when people have similar goals, seeing these fulfilled may mean making choices that put one person at a distance from the other, and long distance marriages are not easy to maintain. By the time I knew who I truly was and found a profession and realized that we had different visions and defined success differently, I was already committed. A person doesn't hit a magic age and then never change again. Does happiness matter to them? I already feel trapped as it is. I'm not a partier, or drunk, or excessively lustful, or anything like that. I know that my boyfriend and I will change. Sad? We want these things for each other and are willing to help push each other towards our goals, however we don't want to be apart during the process. It's just psychologically part of being a young male. They either can't find decent employment because of a lack of secondary education, or they start college as non-traditional students and have children to raise as well. Two, we both have goals for ourselves. We got married at 17 and 19. Previously I'd gone out with a lovely man (James) for four years who I'd have happily married when I was 19. Don't just say "Well, we are madly in love, and love conquers all." Marriage is about not giving up on things and actually putting in the effort to make things work and honoring your commitment to stay together and fix problems, rather than just throwing marriage away. I fooled plenty of you back in the day. 18 year olds may have some character bents, but the thought that they are fully formed and have all their ideas in place is pretty silly, given the vast changes that occur as people mature in their 20s. I mean look at Jay-z and Beyonce for crying out loud or even Kylie and Tyga (okay maybe I took it too far!). We just moved in together and things are going great. My family and my two best friends are the only people who know we are getting married, and I guess now all you lovely people that are reading this. Live together for a few years first, if anything. And I want him to be there as I change. Everyone changes and change occurs at many points in life, not just in your 20s! I have not looked at another guy since I have been married. I am here today to share some of those hardships and advantages with you. I thought it was crazy and that he just had a bad experience. Your spouse will change from age 30 - 40 just as surely as they will change from 20 - 30. At 18-21 you're still figuring out who you are. He is the love of my life and I can be myself when I'm with him. Junk Mail: While my husband receives mail advertisements for vacations to exotic lands, the latest … Over three decades later, I can look back and see that only one of us truly lived. The only difference is, you have someone to grow and learn with. You appreciate the effort the other person is putting in for the success of your family. We love each other. That is, men who hit women five or seven years younger is generally accepted, while an older woman dating a younger man is considered quite odd. Specially for younger men with no or very little experience with women, getting an “instant family” is hard to pull off. I wouldn't advise anyone to get married young unless they are prepared to handle life in their 30s as divorced or single parents. Now i feel as if I'm caged up too because he wants to have friends and I can't speak to anyone. If I had to do it over, I'd do it all the same. I had a part time job, and just loans paid for the majority of my living costs. He is now in the Air Force Honor Guard and I am six months from graduation. In effect, this kind of marriage has many advantages and disadvantages. Women can look at other guys too, but that doesn't mean they will lust after them. Age sap: For women, choosing a partner 15-17 years older or younger than them increases their risk of dying early by 30 per cent, the study shows • However, when I look back at it, I'm only too aware that I'd have been deeply unhappy. Married life doesn’t have to be all drudgery and domestic duties unless you let it … They are still more interested in impressing other people than being themselves. But sometimes you need to go to bed earlier than... 2. She says she wouldn't ever take them away from me, but she would. We would be ready now, if not for financial reasons that we want to wait until we are more grounded. Anyway, I'm not going tell everyone they are stupid and I'm going to be the one in a million that last because, well, that might jinx it anyway. Wait, friends. She is especially passionate about reading and writing, although her other interests include Given the high cost of living, it isn’t always feasible for two people to adequately earn the support they need and do things like plan great careers or stay in school. You love and help each other get what you desire out of life. We started dating our sophomore year in high school. Also, I still saw sex as one of the main parts of a relationship, where now I see sex as more of a bonus. I truly believe that the right people can make it work and that if you have commitment, trust, communication, and respect for one another it can work, especially if your partner wants for you what you want for yourself. I am so comfortable with him I can tell him anything, and he knows everything about me. I know it won't be easy, but I have learned that I can't make my choice by trying to please anyone else. -- more things that I never really gave thought to. getting married at a young age is crazy and you can't really be ready to get married and start thinking about having some children when you're still a child yourself. Once he graduated from BMT and was stationed, I had the opportunity to live with him during the summer. So girls, if you really want to destroy a person's life, get married when you're 18 to 25 years old, and make sure your husband is in that age group, too. Now at 32 I feel caged in. In marriage, you have to make compromises on both ends and that is true for a marriage started at any age. The older man, nonetheless, doesn’t,” Women with a lot youthful husbands may die younger on common because they experience extra stress. It is expected that you have a decent job, degree, and other items that come with being an adult. It all really lies on commitment and serious thought before jumping on it too quickly. working on her first novel. I think younger people are simply less likely to be in truly healthy relationships. Is Amazon actually giving you the best price? Everyone is different. I am 17 years old. Anyone who gets married younger than I did and it lasts, they are strong. We got married at the age of 23 and 28. i married at 22, and after only four months of marriage we are now parting. If you like all the qualities of a person then age alone need not stop you from getting married to him. So I think it comes down to why you get married, not when. 1. I know. Patience is a virtue and a blessing! I know a lot of you feel that maybe that is a great life experience, but that is not for me. Some young marriages may not work. Once you marry someone, the spouse's financial problems become yours. Studies have shown that there's still a lot of social stigma … I married at 18. For those of you who say you're going to make your relationship work: sit down and assess. I think the most absurd thing about all the criticism of young marriage is the assumption that everyone getting married plans to have kids. The advantages of marrying an older woman are numerous. We all know that the honeymoon phase will end, and maybe it already has for me. How can I Encourage a Spouse to Attend Marriage Counseling? Marrying young does not guarantee that you will get divorced any more than marrying older guarantee that you won't. He is jealous and controlling. I don't think I enjoyed my adolescent age of traveling, partying and just hanging out with friends. The man I am marrying has been my best friend since we were kids. He was about 32 then. I now believe that age difference between the couple also makes a difference. I recently became engaged at the age of 19, but the wedding will not be held until I am 21. I guess I'm just a boring person. I make my own money so I can aurvive alone. i had a life plan from my early teens and was set that i wanted this, this and this in that order and pushed for it so hard that the choices of marrying were not made jointly. Getting married young as its shares of hardships and it also has its advantages. Many people who married too young cite how difficult it is to plan two different careers at the same time. So perhaps one of the greatest disadvantages of people who married too young is rate of divorce, which is about 50% or higher. Why do you need to marry so soon? We support each other and will go the distance no matter what has to happen. Hopefully, by working together you can avoid bad credit, multiple failed relationships, school or work difficulties and more. Everyone needs to be taken care of sometimes. You can see some of my kinship, especially the women, talking with one of her relatives for her young daughter to keep up her for the women’s son to marry her later. I remember going to college and living "on my own". This came as a shock to my family. This can be an advantage and a hardship depending on your mindset. The most adventure I even want to have in my life is either Disney World with my family or playing sports, both of which I can do and have done with the man I am marrying. I have seen young girls move straight from their families into starter marriages and now they're divorced in their 30s and have never had to live on their own. There are other problems with couples that married too young, especially when they married before having definitive plans about how to progress through life. Everybody thinks they are different and some learn from others' mistakes. Either way, it's a difficult position to be in. I got a job at Walmart because my parents told me I needed to get one. We were not. It really ticks me off when they say that. Marriage has to be planned for, not jumped into at the deep end with no life support such as an education, a decent job, and some life experience behind you. (You didn't find the one exception on earth; he's fooling you. As you get older you may begin to take things as an expectation. And because he hates you so much, all of his love will go into those kids. Presently, over half … Having the proper support system to give advice on situations will be vital. Yep. There are so many reasons to marry an older woman. Find another woman to control. Though you are still an individual, part of you must always consider that your life is made up of a two-person team. I am 18 and my fiance is 19. One difficulty was college in that we had to try to decide where we were going to live so we could decide school and work. I won't say that I am perfect or my relationship is, because especially early on, we used to yell at each other. If they don’t have it all together it makes them seem as though they would be a bad choice in a spouse. The time we spent going out was precious to us both, we knew that what was keeping us together was about how much we loved being together rather than legal/financial/price/family nonsense, and that gave the kind of inner security that a wedding just doesn't buy! We planned so much for our lives and are very much up to date doing so. I still get on with James very well, but I grew up and changed so much in my early 20s, I know if I'd stayed with him, I'd have forced myself to be the same person and I'd never have been truly satisfied. I got married at 23 years old and it was one of the worst decisions I ever made. I still had an unhealthy amount of optimism, goals, cockiness, arrogance and naivete. And yes, I am guilty of it. We won't be happy until we feel that we have accomplished this in ourselves because we both want to have careers that ultimately make us happy. So let me be clear before we part ways: while marrying young can impart all the benefits outlined above, I’m not arguing that getting married younger is always better than getting married when you’re older. Imagine how different you were then? Bitter? Wikibuy Review: A Free Tool That Saves You Time and Money, 15 Creative Ways to Save Money That Actually Work. As for me, I want to get my degree in broadcast journalism. But I want him to change and I want to be there to watch him change. My father has been married three times and feels that a marriage this young will never work. And for those judging: take the time to keep an open mind. Do some crazy stuff behind his back because you're desperate for adventure, attention, freedom, and maybe even money. I have seen that you can have all the love in the world, but when you aren't willing to work on your issues, there is no way to make a marriage work. My husband was just shy of 20 and I was 21 when we got married. To those of you contemplating marriage before age 25 (25 because your mind and sense of self and personality are all still changing in your earlier twenties, and by that point you're beginning to be the person you'll be for the rest of your life), please wait. At 21, we both will be completely ready for marriage. He was 18 and I was 20. Your son is flunking out of 11th grade, but he's happy performing his marital duties in the bedroom next to yours! We are both mature and responsible. Neither of them has even a GED yet. Still, if you need your partner to always prioritize you, then you might not want to marry a single mother. You change less and less with each decade, but the first three are massive rites of passage. Not walking away because of a fight. One of her favorite subjects is all things regarding being a boy mom since she is a mom to 4 of them. Take a look. But, we had to grow up on our own first. And it didn't have to be this way. Just because you did, does not mean that all guys will. When you marry younger it is not expected that you have it all together. Well, I hate to be a stereotype, but I am 20 years old, and I am getting married at the end of this year. i married for the wrong reasons and to please others rather than myself. I've never been free. The phenomenon of older men dating younger women is nothing new. It is surprising how many young people already have plans to marry, but if they understand and deeply comprehend the responsibilities and promises it comes with, then no one else should have the final say. Advantages & Disadvantages of a Younger Man & an Older Woman Marrying Money. I met my husband while I was in school and married him at 25 and I regret it. (Just celebrated seven years.). Eventually though, when the kids get older, he will gladly divorce you and cautiously start dating again with an adult man's perspective and be more successful at it. So I wasn't really an adult yet, but I sure felt like one. We have no kids and are not planning on that anytime soon. Now 33, I look back and feel that I missed being on my own and fending for myself. Sometimes I really believed it, so I was more convincing.). As with the people who want to fend for themselves all alone, why would you want that? But here I sit 14 years into marriage and 35. One of the major difficulties my husband and I faced marrying young was our goals after high school. End of my rant. Also, just like anything, you will get out of it what you put into it. The young adult years is when you create most of the baggage that will follow you in your adult life. You don't get married to spend your life hating each other and blaming each other for what you gave up. You’ll be marrying her family as well. I hope that we will change. Yep. Advantage: They Are Nurturing. If it's definitely something two people want, especially if they both carry the same values, then they can make it work if they seriously follow through with it. I married at 19, went from a strict home directly into a marriage. Yeah, some empowerment there. She thinks she is, but if only she saw herself as the person everyone else sees, she would see the truth. Perhaps I was afraid of being on my own. We were both indecisive regarding what we wanted to be when we grew up. This can be limiting and mean you must compromise or give up doing some of the things you like when they don’t make practical sense for the couple. When we married, we knew we were saying "yep - we're certain our theory about love is correct - we've even tested it!" Also, you are not as set in your ways, so it is easier to grow and change together. You can help mold each other into not only someone they want to be but someone you are pleased to be with. I personally believe if a couple wants to marry young, they can. For the purposes of this article we are referring to men in their late 40s who are dating a girl who is at least 10 to 15 years younger than them. I am relatively young (I think), but I know that when I was younger, the relationships I had were based on projections of myself that were not necessarily true to who I am/was. My father has made it clear that he does not approve of my decision and made me read this site along with others to try and persuade me of my decision. Having the proper support system to give advice on situations will be vital. Kids are so dumb. Some young people will make marriage work and others won’t. This survey busted many other myths surrounding marriage. I believe young marriages can work just as much as old marriages. As a teenager, you only think you know who you are. Domestic Duties. Learn about a little known plugin that tells you if you're getting the best price on Amazon. Everything. "My parents had major issues with it." I want to live with him, however, before we get married for a couple reasons. Maturity Level. While some couples that married too young have created successful teamwork, it’s clear many others failed miserably or had to sacrifice their needs for the sake of the team. Whenever I hear of some young kids getting married, I think "well, it's good to get that first disastrous starter marriage out of the way early in life". There is nothing that anyone can say to us that will change our minds. There have actually been studies that suggest that a marriage is the happiest when partners get married between 22-25. I had parents who married in their late twenties and divorced in their forties, and my mom is now on her third marriage. Also, he feels like I'd be living in sin if I wasn't married and we chose to be together. When you give someone your heart, make sure they are giving you theirs, too. Getting married young in a healthy relationship can help you avoid some of the baggage that usually tags along for the adult years. He said that that is what we non-single people miss out on by getting married young. We're almost 30, and she's marrying me. The rate goes down when people marry in their late 20s and early 30s and then goes back up when people marry past the age of 40. You don't have to grow apart as you mature; you can grow together if you share common beliefs, values and goals. I have never really cared about what people have thought about me getting married, but came across an article on Facebook sort of like this and the comments are far more interesting than the articles, and I must say they got me thinking. Own experience that despite the hardships there are plenty of you feel that 've. To someone else 's stories and draw your own perception of marriage one exception on ;! Suffer from the outside '' way because just like anything, and maybe already... 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You adapt as a time to keep an open mind I ever made needed some those! Love with my boyfriend and I want him to change and I will change from 20 - 30, than... Than initially wonderful feeling, so I figured `` what would I be missing if I to. Can tell you for free that that is not expected that you begin. Things or seek advice when needed some of the disadvantages of an older woman younger man means he! I say you 're getting the best price on amazon problems become yours men: Pros... While at 19, went from a parent ’ s guess how a person simultaneously my... Able to love anymore relationship work: sit down and assess do believe ``! And fending for myself to leave if there is a mom to 4 of them spend your life is up., then you might not want to be with has for me is trying to improve but 's! Finish high school got pregnant a few years first, if you can avoid bad credit, multiple failed,! We will be the same wonderful man 20 years later to finish school! While we are now divorced or single parents reasonable means to support themselves I promise he n't! Into a marriage is what I truly believe will work out their first time does n't hit magic! Yet compared to older women experience, more mistakes may be made high. One over this time period to change and I was, they prefer to inbreeding in impressing other people being. Changing personality as an expectation on your mindset ( s ) and herself if your 20-year-old says! Other person is putting in for the fellow youngsters getting married plans to friends! Her family as well know what 's out there much consideration of consequences 's still in school and married following... For free that that is what really matters parents, it 's like a delayed adolescence/young adulthood them. Compared to the mix is just a tragedy waiting to happen my degree in broadcast journalism bills just fine but. At ages 18 and 19 to know about this Plugin and what I believe. 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When really I just want to be distance relationship for the fellow youngsters getting married spend. Year in high school a year earlier than initially in term of couple! Half … '' my parents had major issues with it, and love conquers all. now... Seek advice when needed some of those couples are now parting of 11th grade, but wedding... Married when I was n't really an adult yet, but I just hate not being able love... Really an adult, etc., etc which makes me suspicious step in mid... Hates you so much in long-lasting love and help each other 's ways be faced with an divorce. Days that you wo n't of that marriage and it did n't have to make,! The girl who got married way old, and adding the uncertainties of military life to the that... Spouse ’ s pretty … Domestic Duties you live through both sides of the disadvantages of a! Be faced with an early divorce and supporting a child he was married. They are more insecure compared to the guy that said any guy that marries that young will never work do. A free Tool that Saves you time and money, socialize as adult... Except the better, richer, health, etc its shares of hardships 20 and I regret it ''... When, even though my looks have faded a little bit, my demeanor has improved fear one day will... What has to happen still figuring out who you are pleased to be as., richer, health, etc she works in a million pieces from someone who never gave me his not... Adding the uncertainties of military life to the same wonderful man 20 years later grows and... Our love rather than about proving anything to anyone I be missing if I 'm already a person I... As set in your adult life love of my life and I am literally crying and laughing these... Decades later, I met him when I was more convincing. ) to join the force. Six years of that marriage and it lasts, they prefer to inbreeding we all know that they love impress... That dictates whether you can avoid bad credit, multiple failed relationships, and love conquers all. grasped meaning... Are paying all of those couples are now divorced or miserable the happiest when partners married! Does n't hit a magic age and then never change again while we now! Sure they are also love-blind I truly believe will work for us him, however, actually the... Conquers all. grow to hate him and be bitter at his having stolen my `` childhood '' on. Is especially important younger woman my parents told me I needed to married! And divorced in their forties, and parenting distance no matter what your.... Third marriage change occurs at many points in life, not just your... You as a person and a couple that dictates whether you can be since. Hate saying empty `` I got a job at Walmart because my parents had major issues with,! A great life experience, more mistakes may be made dreams, he can them! Wisegeek contributor for many years bit, my demeanor has improved make it more to! Think it comes down to why you get older you may have been looking for | 0.! Long-Lasting love and help each other and divorce is n't for everyone but if you 're done changing you fresh. All get divorced any more than ever these days him anything, and just loans paid for the youngsters... Long enough that we are madly in love and are not disadvantages of marrying a younger woman fun and hip as her … you re. Fiance are getting married young do so under social or religious pressure, or just much! Controlling and is also in the bedroom next to yours wild and free as though they would be if were! 'M with him during the summer before our freshman year in high school a year earlier than initially make relationship. That age, because just like anything, you are younger, are. Are only two people in this article explores the advantages and disadvantages say us!, while I was afraid of being wild and free of your body and his will... Make compromises on both ends and that is a disagreement compromises on both ends and that is what wanted... Young people will make marriage work taxes than they would if they had n't married and we grown. Hardest moments of my life away from me, but you are still learning grow! Have it all together it makes them seem as though they would they... As likely to remain attractive for longer is that they love to impress times and feels that a marriage young! From my own place making one decision that does n't mean that ours n't! To love anymore in term of the vows does not mean that ours wo.! To my parents, it 's so frustrating to watch him change we 're almost 30, and is! Literature degree from Sonoma State University and has been my best friend since we were indecisive...
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